


To See You Smile

by odinstark



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Attacks, Awesome Gwen (Merlin), Bisexual Male Character, Blood, Camping, Caring Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Carnival, Coming Out, Crossdressing, Dorks in Love, Dragons, Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Feel-good, Fireworks, Fluff, Genderfluid Character, Gwaine Flirts (Merlin), Gwaine Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Lancelot (Merlin) Lives, Love Bites, M/M, Magical Tattoos, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Merlin is a Little Shit, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Minor Injuries, Multi, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Old Friends, Pansexual Character, Period-Typical Homophobia, Picnics, Platonic Relationships, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Promiscuity, Questioning, References to Depression, Scarification, Secret Relationship, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Smile, Suicide Attempt, Uther Pendragon Dies (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-27 18:43:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19386781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odinstark/pseuds/odinstark
Summary: so lancelot never dies, arthur is king and merlin needs a hug (or a few hundred). also it's established in this universe that lancelot and merlin have feelings for each other but haven't acted on them, yet.





	1. Chapter 1

Arthur's body hit the floor, sprawled to the left of Gwaine's, the clang of the his chainmail armour hitting the stone rang out throughout the seemingly endless hall.

The Cailleach turned to Merlin, who lowered his hand slowly, the gold leeching out from his bright oceanic blue eyes. The gatekeeper had an unreadible expression on her face, but one may have interpreted it as one of surprise or intrigue. 

"So, Emrys, you would willingly give yourself in place of the Pendragon boy?" she rasped, and watched as his face morphed into one of pure concentration and then a sudden blink of realisation.

"I am." One foot began to step forward before a strong hand grabbed his arm. 

It was Lancelot, of course. 

"Merlin, no. Please don't do this. Let me, I'm begging you," desperation was evident in his tone, he knew he would have no chance against Merlin if he chose to use his magic against him, in order to sacrifice himself.

Merlin tipped his head around to face him and offered him a soft smile, 

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. Trust me, Lancelot."

And with that, he snagged the sword out of Lancelot's loose grip and walked confidently towards the altar at the mouth of the Veil. 

"You wanted a blood offering?" he raised the sword off of the white surface he had placed it on, 

"You'll get one."

Lancelot almost cried out when he saw the sword come down, wanting to race towards Merlin until he saw what he had done. 

The dark haired man had sliced his left hand open deeply and was waiting for the blood to pool up in his palm before offering it to Cailleach. 

"This is what you wanted, right? Not death, not sacrifice, not murder. Blood."

The being blinked at the warlock, who was, in her opinion, nearly too defiant for a mortal, before she smiled a horrible, smile, all yellow teeth and mouldy gums. She gave a harsh, almost mirthful cackle and turned her gaze back on the boy in front of her. 

"In all my millennia, young warlock, I have never known one to truly bend my rules," she called over the yell of the spirits yelling from the tear in the world. 

The blood began dripping down Merlin's wrist towards his jacket sleeve, in rivers of black and dark red where the astral light hit it. 

"So do we have a deal or not!?" Merlin shouted back, his vision going black at the edges, due to the rapid blood loss. Lancelot watched him wobble at the knees, but to the Cailleach he appeared completely stable. 

The gatekeeper seemed to contemplate it for a second before nodding her head towards him, 

"We do, Emrys."

Merlin hissed as the skin around the skin stretched as he wiped his bloody wound down the white marble altar as tribute. 

As the droplets of blood spread across the surface like a strange patchwork, the tear in the world snapped out of existence, as so with it, the Cailleach. Merlin looked up at Lancelot and shrugged his shoulders, as if to say, 'It worked'. Were Merlin closer, he would have seen that his companion had tears clogging his eyes. 

Merlin began to the walk back sluggishly to the centre of the tomb, to rouse the knocked out knights and regroup with the others. Lancelot met him half way there and wrapped his arms around his back, careful to avoid his still bleeding cut. Usual kind, considerate Lancelot, always making sure Merlin was okay. 

What happened next, was however, not normal Lancelot behaviour. When Merlin pulled back out of the hug, to smile or say something, it didn't matter. Not when Lancelot surged forward, melding his lips to Merlin's in an act of relief and passion, of love. He could feel Lancelot exhale from his nose against his top lip, a sigh which somehow made Merlin snap back into reality.

The brunette held tightly to Merlin's jacket as the wearer relaxed under his touch, no longer surprised by the force. His eyelids fluttered closed and his hand snuck up over Lancelot's chainmail towards his hair, just to hold his head like so-

Merlin's injury could no longer hold out and so the two broke apart when he winced into their embrace. 

A minute and a torn shirt (Lancelot's, of course) later, the wound was tended too as best as they could at the moment. The silence spoke three hundred conversations. 

Merlin saw the moisture in Lancelot's eyes now, standing no more than a foot away from him. He somehow looked...beautiful with red eyes and puffy cheeks, but when didn't he look ethereal? Merlin reached for his face, with his uninjured hand, to brush away the stray tear which was persistent in its journey down Lancelot's stubbled jaw. 

A groan from beside their feet broke the moment, Merlin's arm snapping down to it's side. It was Gwaine. 

"So," the man rasped from his place of the floor as he rubbed his sore head, "What did I miss?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mild gore and pain warning I guess? Mostly transitional material but some fluff and friendship. plus some good fried Arthur moments.

It didn't take very long at all for Arthur to realise Merlin was injured. He immediately saw the thick cloth wrapped around his friends hand when he woke up from his knocked out state, the fabric of the torn shirt darkening with wet blood after every passing moment. That didn't mean he could do anything about it until they were all safe and off of the island. The man was stumbling more than usual, for bleeding sake.

As soon as they had made camp on the edge of the treeline, close enough to the water to have the light of the moon reflect off of the surface of the water and light their camp, Arthur jumped into action, swiftly followed by the rest of the knights.

Merlin was laid against a thick, knotted oak with out much protest from his side. Arthur held the damaged limb out flat on his knee, not caring for the way the dribbling blood stained his breeches, just keeping it still. Percival and Elyan were not far away starting a fire and collecting lake water and Leon stood guard at the edge of the camp, occasionally looking back to check on Merlin. 

The blonde peeled away the soaked, makeshift bandage and saw the oozing cut gush red blood, the ragged skin around the edges dirty with grime from the altar and older blood, speckles of the last remains of Morgause. Gwaine was right by his side and passed him a waterskin to clean the cut as best as he could. Lancelot held his undamaged palm in his own and just softly smiled at him.

"The one time we didn't bring a needle and thread, aye Merlin?" Lancelot shook his head fondly at the joke Gwaine made, trust him to try and make a dark situation lighter.

"The las' time I let you have an needle an' thread near me, Gwaine...It's was a less than desirable outcome for me.." Merlin replied, delirious from blood loss and dehydration. That was definitely a story Lancelot needed to hear. 

The warlock winced as Arthur poured the cool water over his wound, rinsing out the blood to see the damage. It was deep. Too deep to heal with what scraps of medical supplies they had. Arthur tore the edge of his cloak off and used it along with the water to remove the excess dirt away from the ravine like gash, in smooth, gentle movements. 

"Yer...Yer gonna havta cauterize it, Arthur..." came the soft whisper of Merlin. The three men's eyes snapped up to his face and saw the desperation on his face,

"Otherwise I don't think I'll be making it back to Camelot warm. And what a shame that would be."

"I don't know," answered Arthur, without a shred of truth in his tone, and diligently worked his way around the cut, removing every speck of dirt he saw, occasionally flushing out the blood with water, 

"I may finally get some peace and quiet."

Merlin snorted and gave a dopey grin which sent Lancelot's heart fluttering even in such dire circumstances,

"Nah, you'd miss me too much.."

Arthur gave a quiet huff of amusement before stealing himself and turning to Gwaine and slowly pulling out a dagger from his belt. He offered the weapon with a quiet request and it was taken with a nod. The long haired man escaped from the group and made his way to the fire's mouth and began to task of heating the steel blade.

Lancelot grasped the hand he was holding even more firmly and used a clean his spare one to pour some of the water over a clean rag of material Arthur ripped off to cool the feverish tempature that was setting into Merlin's skin. The cut wasn't infected yet, thankfully, but it was only a matter of time. The damp fabric was a relief to Merlin's sweaty brow, and his approval of the act was clear to the two by the way his lips turned up at the corners.

"You're the bravest man I've ever met, Merlin," Lancelot praised, the tips of his fingers brushing away the loose hairs which clung to Merlin's forehead.

"And probably the most stupidiest," chimed in Arthur, who was wrapping the cut up with new material to keep out the dirt of the night while they waited for the steel to heat up.

"You shouldn't insult me on my deathbed, Arthur. That's jus' rude."

"You're not gonna die, Merlin, not on my- our watch," Lancelot comforted, continuing his gentle petting of Merlin's dark locks, playing off his slip as nothing more than an error in his mathematics. 

"Yeah, besides," Arthur went on, "Gaius and your mother would kill me."

Merlin shifted against the rough bark of the tree, trying to find a comfortsbke position to sit in.

"Gaius, for sure. But mum likes you too much to kill you. Torture you, she'd do it in a heart beat but never kill you. Lancelot, you'd like her, you're like her. Brave and intelligent and kind. She'd adore you even more than Arthur," the man rambled, his eyes finally beginning glisten with tears as he let the pain consume him. 

"And I'll get to meet her, okay? Next time you get time off, we'll pack a couple of horses and ride to your home," was the knights response, who was quickly glancing back at the two slowly approaching knights, one with a glowing ember in his hands, one that used to be a dagger. 

"Yeah s'long as we take the scenic route. There's this waterfall tha's on the way, that no one ever knows about. It's beautiful, all surrounded by trees an' flowers, perfect to camp for a night or two."

"Sounds like heaven. It's a date."

Arthur, who was absent from the conversation for the past two or so minutes, softly grabbed Merlin's thigh and tapped his knee to get attention. 

"It's time, Merlin."

A dark look crossed over the sorcerer's face before he offered a shaky grin, 

"And I thought I wasn't going to die."

Percival knelt down beside the group as Gwaine stood, holding the handle of the hot blade. He offered his hand toward the dark haired man with a solemn look, 

"You can squeeze my hand if you want, Merlin. This is gonna hurt, a lot, and I think you'd end up breaking Lance's hand in return."

Merlin looked to Lancelot, who nodded in a way that seemed to convey his agreement, before he removed his clammy hand from his friend's (well maybe more than friend's, they're going to have to talk about that) grip and taking the extended hand. 

"Thanks, Percy."

Arthur now had possession of the blade, so Gwaine sunk to his knees again by his friend's side, and presented a wad of cloth to him, a silent suggestion, to muffle the imminent screams. Merlin took it with a sad incline of his head. 

Elyan and Leon made their perimeter smaller, and watched as their fellow knights took their positions. Lancelot kept Merlin's fingers down, flat against Arthur and Gwaine did the same with his wrist, restraining any movement that could further damage the palm. Percival just flexed his fingers under the increasing pressure of Merlin's grip, in apprehension of what was to come. 

Arthur offered a hushed apology to the man before squeezing the edges of the wound together, so that the blade would actually work. Merlin gagged in pain behind the cloth, tears spilling down his cheeks unashamedly. 

Merlin's guttural screams that started from the moment the blade touched his skin, melting flesh against flesh. Arthur didn't realise the extent of the damage until he had to reheat the blade twice after that to completely close the cut. Merlin started to quiet down after the second blade hearing, but that might have been because he was on the edge of passing out. The ground around them seemed to rumble along to Merlin's sorrowful outbursts and any wild animals who would usually be interested by the smell of blood and burning flesh, scampered away from the area, their tails tucked between their legs. 

When it was over, Elyan rushed Arthur's left, brandishing soft white linen bandages he managed to find in his pack. With precision and delicacy learned only learned from watching great physicians, the king wrapped up his friend's hand, after washing away the blood stains on the edge of his fingers. Merlin had finally fainted, his head rested on Lancelot's shoulder and his hand slipping out from the grip he had held Percival with. 

"No one is to remove those bandages until this time tomorrow unless he starts bleeding again. And make sure Merlin doesn't try and take them off either. And in the meantime, all we can do it wait."

The knights nodded and looked back again at Merlin, their friend, who slept fitfully against the tree he was leaned against. 

"I'll stay with him tonight," Lancelot offered immediately, and Arthur raised an eyebrow reflexively at his outburst. 

"It's not like I can leave without waking him up, is it?" he covered up, slowly moving the shoulder Merlin was rested on. 

The knights all agreed and soon began to retire for the night finally, with Percival taking the first proper watch, stroking the blooming purpled bruises on his hand. 

Lancelot stayed awake for a long time, enough to see Percival change to Elyan and Elyan change to Gwaine. Around then, while both his friends backs were turned away from them, Lancelot managed to wrap an arm around Merlin's back. And so, he fell asleep, with the knowledge that Merlin was safe, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soft babeys


	3. Chapter 3

The sun warmed his skin, like a hand caressing his cheek, as a soft breeze blew over the camp, carrying the scent of sweet flowers. Lancelot opened his eyes, surveying the grass bank immediately in front of him as his neck was stiff from the position he had fallen asleep in.

"Merlin?" he yawned in a post-sleep daze, only to feel a body shift beside his and sigh against his shoulder.

"That's my name, don't wear it out," a gentle smile followed Merlin's snarky comment and Lancelot grinned.

"You know, I half expected you to be awake and fishing again."

The warlock shook his head, "No, not this time, unfortunately."

Lancelot sucked a breathe in as he let the tips of his fingers graze the corners of Merlin's hand,

"And are, uh, certain, er, avenues? Not working for a fast heal?"

"Not from what I can tell, but I might have lost too much blood. I should be able to do something for it by the time we get to Camelot."

"You, Merlin," a voice rang out from the left of the couple, making Lancelot let go of Merlin's hand and drop the arm, which he hadn't realised which was still tucked around Merlin's waist,

"Aren't doing a single thing for that hand at all, nay mind before we get back to Camelot. Leave it to the experts."

Merlin looked up to past the blinding sun, to see who was talking. If he was more awake, he would have recognised him by voice alone.

"I'm pretty sure I'm the only medical professional here, Gwaine."

"That's may be true but that doesn't change the fact."

"What fact?" Merlin raised an eyebrow at his friend, stringjng a teasing tone into his words.

"The fact that you're an idiot," came Arthur's call, as he walked up to the two, with a water skin and a metal bowl full of mushed up berries and apples.

"God learn some synonyms, Arthur. How restrictive is your vocabulary?" the dark haired man quipped as he gratefully took the food and drink offered to him, passing the waterskin to Lancelot first so he could drink it.

"If you weren't on the brink of infection right now, I would have you put in the stocks of the first town we pass by on our way home," Arthur retorted, which was followed by a resounding ' _ow!_ '.

"What was that for?" Arthur while rubbing his head, turned to Leon, who was stood a foot behind him, leather riding glove in hand.

"Be nice to our resident invalid, sire. He saved your bloody arse and now he's got a bloody hand."

Arthur huffed in annoyance and turned his back on his fellow knight, who offered Merlin a wink over his King's shoulder. A warmth filled Merlin's heart the praise and so he took his first bite of food with a true smile on his face.

Merlin ate half of it before offering it to Lancelot. The man tried to deny it but with the look of determination on Merlin's face, he was hard pressed not too. The knights began to clear up their scattered camp and meagre supplies. A glance from Lancelot to Gwaine had the other man sit on the other side of the warlock, restraining the man from getting up and helping. Merlin scowled at first Lancelot and then Gwaine before huffing and taking a swig from the waterskin.

"Good, you're learning," Lancelot smiled and patted his knee, earning another (cute) scowl.

Gwaine ruffled Merlin's hair, leaving a smattering of grass blades in it,

"It is the time for rest for the wicked, I do believe, my dear friend."

-O-

The group only had to walk five short miles for them to happen upon a desolate town. Well walk was a strong word concerning Merlin. 

While everyone was wary of him being on his legs so soon after a traumatic event, he shrugged them off and began walking, stumbling, after them as they set through the forest. They got...maybe a mile? before Elyan, Leon and Percival got to talking. The former two wrestled Merlin off the ground away from his walking companions, Lancelot and Gwaine, and placed him onto Percival's back. From then on, they made good time, even if it came with the price of a grumbling Merlin. 

The only living thing in the whole town they found themselves in seemed to be the skittish hungry, horses tied in their stables. Six horses, ranging a dark chestnut brown to a startling, dazzling white. They checked the houses, and found no one. No one living, that is. They found a small stash of food, empty water skins and thankfully, new bandages. Leon managed to find two extra bed rolls, Gwaine, a thick blue and green cloak for Merlin (the night that passed was cold, and the long haired man didn't like to think about his friend freezing to death) and Percival stumbled upon a pot of olive oil which he mixed with various herbs that Merlin vaguely recognised.

"My mum was a healer," the large man supplied, slipping the pot into Merlin's new coat, 

"Nothing special but there was a lot of forest fires around our city. A lot of burns. She used this on them to fight infection and keep swelling down."

The sorcerer looked up at his friend, reached out and squeezed his upper arm,

"I appreciate it Percival, thank you."

Then it came to the issue of the horses. Merlin mentally did a headcount and came up with six knights and him. Now while he would have offered himself to walk, he knew Lancelot, let alone the other five Sirs', wouldn't let him. But he didn't like the thought of one his friends having to walk in his place.

While Elyan double checked the hodgepodge of thatched homes for another stallion, the others decided what to do in the very likely outcome there wasn't another steed. 

Each Knight offered themselves to walk so that Merlin could have a horse. 

"We could have a rotation, so that every few hours, the one who is walking swaps with someone that isn't," Leon brought forward and most of the knights seemed to agree with the idea.

"Or-" Merlin began but Arthur cut him off by holding a hand up to him

"Merlin, you are in no fit state to walk. So you're not included in this rotation."

"Okay or you could listen to what I was going to say, _which wasn't that_ ," the dark haired man sassed, and pulled the neck of the cloak closer to him as bitter chill washed over him,

"You could string me off the back of one of your horses like cargo. I know you've done it before, Arthur. Shouldn't be too hard to remember. Or I could teach you, you've been in enough tumbles for me to have to rangle you like that every once in a while."

The knights, including Elyan who came back with a negative on the extra horse, laughed at Arthur's reddening, hilariously, embarrassed face. It was Lancelot who stopped laughing first and placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder to garner his attention.

"You can just share my horse, no need for the tying up. I'm not sure why we didn't think of that sooner."

"I always thought I was the most intelligent of you all," Merlin's tone was light and playful, accompanied by a blinding smirk.

"And apparently, the most arrogant," Lancelot retorted, making Merlin laugh.

Merlin's uninjured hand reacher up and placed itself over Lancelot's which was still rested on his shoulder. He stared up and around at him with his soulful eyes, which conveyed so much emotion to Lancelot, he almost reached out to kiss him like last night.

"Thank you, Lancelot."

The brunette swallowed the tears in his throat, 

"You are most welcome, Merlin."

-O-

It took three days for them to get back to Camelot. During that time, Merlin's bandages were changed four times, as well as the wounds being cleaned and having Percival's makeshift, but effective, burn salve applied.

They passed empty town after quiet village after deserted dwelling. Nothing but animals ran free around. The group only hoped that the majority of the house owners were safely somewhere else. 

Merlin could feel the passive magic of the Druids everywhere, them removing protection wards from around their camps spread through the forest. Merlin was glad they were safe. At the least, who else could provide vague exposition to his destiny, other than them? Kilgharrah, he supposed, but the Druids were less rude to him than the old dragon.

On the final night, only hours ride from the castle, Merlin and Lancelot had situated themselves away from the rest of the knights. They watched the stars through a break in the trees above them, a flask of something, let's say stronger than water, between them. The last empty village they had come across before coming here, Gwaine had found a few bottles of wine that, with Arthur's begrudging permission, they had brought with them.

Warmed by the fire beside them and the wine in their blood, the two sat in peaceful silence, their legs covered by both Lancelot's Knight cloak and Merlin's newly acquired blue coat.

The other knights had turned in for the night, besides Arthur, who was standing guard for now, beside the other fire the knights had set up, which began burning down to its embers, not that Arthur noticed. 

Merlin glanced around subtley before taking the other man's hand in his left, interlocking their fingers beneath the covers. Lancelot looked over with a soft smile on his face and whispered, 

"I was beginning to the think you had forgotten."

Merlin leaned his head on his partner's shoulder, reminiscent of the first night. 

"Never."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang return to camelot. soft gwen moments!! also no lancelot funeral, which is always a bonus.

The horse hooves' clattered against the stone flagging of the lower town. The townspeople had arisen many hours before and the market was buzzing with life in the late evening, citizens trading openly like they couldn't have days before, now that the threats to their lives were gone.

It was the children that noticed the King and his knights (and a very happy servant) approach the city walls, and they raced off to tell anyone in site. Word reached the castle very quickly, as gossip does in the kingdom, spreading from the baker to the scullery maid to the steward and finally to the higher ups. Gwen, Gaius and Agravaine were ready and waiting on the stone steps leading to the castle's entrance, standing in feverish anxiety or silent excitement in Agravaine's case.

But that excitement turned to distain when he noticed the blonde at the head of the party, looking tired but well and frankly, very alive. Gwen ran down the stairs towards Arthur as he dismounted his horse and wrapped her arms his shoulders, dragging him into a tight hug, in which they remained for the next minute or so. Gaius let a tear roll down his cheek. If Arthur was here and alive, then that only meant that Merlin-

Lancelot dismounted the horse and with the help of Elyan, they managed to lift Merlin off the horse without him knocking his damaged hand into anything. There hadn't been a long enough private moment for Merlin to try and heal it more with magic. Not that those private moments had gone to waste after their confession, not with Lancelot ever present at his side.

Merlin smiled at his pseudo uncle, and tried to wave his hurt hand before he remembered and quickly switched sides awkwardly. Gaius too, dashed down the steps and grappled the boy into a warm embrace. When the old man finally had let his son go and stepped back, more than a few more tears spilled, Gwen immediately tackled him, hiding her head in the crook of his neck. 

"You're alive. You're okay, you're okay," she mumbled against his shoulder, crying as heavily as she had when Arthur reassured her only moments before. 

"You think I'd really die on you now? Not when you owe me dinner for saving your stupid boyfriend's ass for like the hundredth time!" Merlin smiled and Gwen giggled and pull her head out of his chest and looked up at him. Merlin could see the fatigue and worry in her face, this Gwen was definitely different from the happy-go-lucky girl he had met all those years ago. She was now a strong, battle hardened and confident woman. But with the smile on her lips, it was clear the old Gwen hadn't gone anywhere, she was merely...dormant.

"Merlin...! We need to get your hand looked at. Properly," a voice to his left said. Lancelot. Ever the well meaning worrier. 

"Your...hand? What's wrong with your ha-" Gaius began but trailed off as he caught sight of the thick, white bandages on Merlin's right hand, a startling contrast to the deep green-blue of his cloak. 

"Merlin! What happened?" Gwen fretted as she carefully lifted the bandaged limb up and stared at it, like she was trying to see through the covering. 

"I'll tell you as I get it looked over."

The trio began to climb the stone steps, on route to Gaius' chambers, with Lancelot hot on their tails. 

"Lancelot!" Arthur called and the brunette looked back to face his King, who was stood right beside his uncle and Leon, discussing what had happened while they were away. 

"Yes, sire?" Lancelot prayed he wasn't being asked to stay behind and talk with them too. Arthur could probably sense the anxiety rolling off of the knight and his actions reflected that. 

"Just...Go with them, see if Merlin's going to be okay. Report to me when they're done. I need to your input for what happened after the Cailleach knocked me out."

Lancelot nodded at his king and scrambled into the castle. The Cailleach had knocked him out, hey? At least Merlin's secret was safe. The king wouldn't get it from him. 

Lancelot entered the room just as Gaius was peeling back the white cloth. Lancelot had seen the damage of course, for he was the one who cleaned it everyday. That didn't mean he liked it though. The skin was still red and shiny but there wasn't a physical trace of infection at all, not one that Lancelot recognised anyway. 

Merlin was sitting on the examination table with his hand pulled into Gwen's lap. If it was anyone other than Gwen and Lancelot was a lesser man, then he may have been jealous of the way Gwen caressed Merlin's arm in a comforting manner. But he knew Merlin didn't harbour any feelings for the girl. The previous night was a testament to that. 

"Who did the cauterizing?" Gaius questioned as Lancelot slipped into the space at Merlin's left. 

"The King did," the Knight supplied as Merlin suppressed a wince at the way Gaius was, barely, poking at the melted flesh.

"He did it well enough, it's effective. Could have been a bit neater but I'm guessing time was of the essence?" 

"You could say that."

"And who kept it clean? I'm assuming you didn't do it yourself, Merlin?" 

"That was all Lancelot. Percival did make some sort of burn salve though, there's probably some it left in my pack if you want to see what was in it," The warlock praised his friends as Gwen handed him a cup of water which he drank unsteadily from in his haste.

"You did a fine job, Sir Lancelot. There's not a sign of infection at all," the old man paused to press a hand against Merlin's forehead, 

"No fever either. I don't believe you'll lose any mobility in this hand, Merlin. I must know what was in this salve."

The old man turned to his table and gathered various pieces of herbs and other ingredients Lancelot couldn't even begin to name before adding them to a mortar to be ground up, 

"But first, I want the whole story. From the beginning."

Between the two of them, they managed to regail their companions with almost the whole story, excluding any mentions of Merlin's magic and on Lancelot's part, the conversation he had with the water sprites. They would tell Gaius of this later. 

When it got to the point after Merlin had successfully closed the rift, the dark haired man trailed off as he remembered what came next. The dim glow. The tears. The embrace. The embrace. The em-

"Merlin?" Gwen asked in curiosity and worry, nudging his leg. 

"Hmm?" Merlin snapped out of his daze, "Oh sorry, got lost for a second. Well after I closed the gate, we awoke Arthur and Gwaine and met with the others and left. Anticlimactic, I know, but we saved that day or whatever, blah blah blah."

"You saved the day, Merlin. Not us, not me, not Arthur. You did," Lancelot announced, letting a tentative hand rest on the other man's thigh, drawing the sorcerer's attention to the knight's eyes. 

"I have to agree with Lancelot here, Merlin. It sounds like you were the sole saviour of Camelot," Gaius added, clearing up the empty vials and crumbled herb stems off of his work station. 

"You've always been the hero in my eyes, Merlin," Gwen smiled hugging Merlin's side, expressing her admiration. 

Lancelot left an hour later, Gaius gave Merlin a sleeping draught accompanied by a painkilling concoction (which looked as horrible as it tasted, the warlock quipped). With Merlin sleeping peacefully and safely in his own quarters, Lancelot marched towards the meeting room, where he assumed Arthur would be.   
He was proven right and after half an hour of discussions, everyone was dismissed to their regular duties, except for the recently returned nights who were ordered to see Gaius, eat something and get a proper rest before going back to training tomorrow. 

Evening was setting in quickly but the townspeople seemed to be enjoying strolling the darkening streets, a luxury they had taken for granted in the weeks passed. Lancelot was a foot out of the door when Arthur asked him to join him for a drink in his chambers. 

They went over the whole quest again, adding smaller details they had forgotten in their haste during their debrief with Agravaine and the other knights. Lancelot assured the king of Merlin's good health and his imminent recovery now that he had access to the court's physician. 

"May I ask you something, Lancelot?" Arthur announced after a companionable silence in which the two took long drafts of the wine in their chalices. 

"My lord?" Lancelot looked over at the king with an eyebrow raised. God, please do not be about what he thinks it is. 

"I know I was knocked out as was Gwaine. I was wondering why she deemed to you acceptable to remain conscious during the whole ordeal. I don't mean that in a conspiring way."

Thank the Lords.

"I know you would never accuse me of that, Sire. Perhaps she didn't think me a threat to her deal with Merlin."

"Not a threat? You are the biggest threat to any foe, my friend," Arthur smiled and nodded to his fellow knight,

"But I guess that may be it."

The two finished their cups and Lancelot bid his king a goodnight before he began his journey back to the knights quarters. The others had left a small bread loaf, some cheese and half a dozen thick ham slices on a plate inside his room and the man could barely smile his gratefulness at his friends' thoughtful gesture before he fell on the food with gusto. He hadn't realised how hungry he was until he was a third slice of bread in. After his meal, he devested his chain mail and changed into a soft, thin cotton shirt and his most comfortable trousers before flopping onto his bed.

It only took an hour for him to break and shoot out of bed, pulling on his boots and restlessly walking around the castle. His second circuit of his route brought him to rest outside of Gaius' door. He knocked twice against the twisted oak door and a quiet 'come in' gave him enough courage to open the door.

"Lancelot," Gaius greeted happily, if not a little confused.

"I know he's not awake yet," the knight answered the unasked question, "I was wondering if I may sit with him."

"Of course," Gaius gestured at the door and turned back with a curious face, "But may I ask why?"

Lancelot was half way up the steps before he had an acceptable answer,

"I was by his side on the nights outside of the castle. I feel I should be there inside of the walls."

The brunette man closed the door behind him softly, cutting off the old man's mutterings, and glanced at Merlin's fitful form sleeping in the cot.

Lancelot pulled up the desk chair to the warlock's bedside and gently lifted the bandaged hand to his lips, mumbling against the cloth, 

"You're safe now. You can rest."

Merlin's eyebrows unfurrowed and his lips dropped from the tight line they had been drawn to. Lancelot fell asleep mummering reassurances to a sleeping sorcerer, finally at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have you noticed the pattern to how I end all the chapters? yes? no? don't care? okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> secrets, bed sharing and picnics. just maybe not in that order.

Merlin was given the next two whole weeks off to recover and rest after the quest. But by day three, he was bouncing off of his bed chamber's walls. He wouldn't have were he less confined to having only Gaius as the person he could constantly talk too. 

Unfortunately Arthur decided Morgana was a big enough threat to bounce back at them immediately after Merlin thwarted her plans, so the knights were back on their regular schedules. Meaning that Lancelot and Merlin barely got to see each other.

That didn't mean at all though. Lancelot spent most nights at Merlin's bedside, feeding him that day's news of the castle and watched Merlin do small magic spells behind the privacy and safety of his bedroom door. He spent every night too, falling asleep on the wooden chair at Merlin's bedside.

Gaius knew not to let anyone bother them and nobody did, save Gwen who would be occasionally late from her duties and arrive with dinner for Merlin. Gwen assured them it was all her doing, but Merlin knew from the quality of the food on the plate, that Arthur had had a hand in it.

Even when Lancelot wasn't near, he was. It seemed most of the castle and townspeople were fond of the skinny servant boy and all sent him tokens of appreciation, books from the men of the castle, food from the townspeople and the servant girls all banded together to get him various flower arrangements.

But the biggest, most extravagant display, all white, blue and yellow flowers, was a gift from Lancelot. Merlin wasn't sure how the man managed to get it up here, maybe he smuggled it into the serving girls delivery, but he couldn't say he wasn't pleased that Lancelot had made him one.

Some of the other knights, mostly Percival and Gwaine, visited too. They brought with them stories of their time on the road or various quests they've been on. Gaius snagged Percival on the fifth day of Merlin's rest (imprisonment) to question him about his burn salve, apparently the physician had never seen the combination of herbs before and wanted to know what other medical knowledge the large knight knew.

Gwaine turned on his friend who was finishing his vial of, disgusting, painkilling potion and nodded his head to him and then all of the gifts littered around the room.

"You've got quite the admirers, my friend."

Merlin bit his lip as his eyes trained on Lancelot's bright bouquet subconsciously,

"I suppose I do."

The knight leaned back in his chair, kicking his legs, with his dusty boots and all, on the mattress. He raised an eyebrow at the dark haired man who was uncharacteristically quiet, a little worrying since not three minutes prior he was babbling to his heart's content. He couldn't help but think his best friend's mood change was his doing.

"I'm sorry, have I upset you?"

That seemed to snap Merlin out of it and his sombre expression melted into one of confusion,

"What? No! Of course not. I'm perfectly fine, just...lost in thought."

Gwaine was glad that he hadn't caused his companion any grief but there was just something in his eyes...

"I feel like you're not telling me something."

The warlock looked over at him with a devious smirk,

"I don't tell you a lot of things, dear Gwaine. I'm not sure if you could keep up with them."

The man let out a loud guffaw and couldn't help but smile at the childish look of accomplishment and amusement on Merlin's face,

"If I weren't a Knight, I'd have strangled you by now."

"Doubt you could, even if you were the best Knight in the Kingdom."

"Why you little-"

It was late when Lancelot slipped into Merlin's room. The man was already asleep, much to the knight's disappointment. They hadn't been able to talk at all that day, as there had been several small scuffles in the lower village as well as an abandoned travellers cart found on the forests edge near the city's back walls that needed the attention of the knights.

In his quietest footsteps possible, Lancelot crossed the room to his chair, already in place by Merlin's side. He sat down in it with ease for it did not creak like most things in the physician's chambers, like the entrance door for one. He had almost woken up Gaius when entering and blamed the creaky wooden door entirely.

He watched the man sleep for countless minutes. Merlin looked completely peaceful and years younger than he looked while awake. Lancelot leaned back in his chair, his back already aching in memory of the stiff sleep he endured from the previous nights.

"That chair must be uncomfortable."

The brunette flinched in his chair, startled by the voice in the otherwise silent room. He looked down to Merlin's bed and sure enough, the man was awake, looking at him with his deep blue eyes.

"I thought you were asleep," the knight smiled as he reached forward to entangle his hand with Merlin's outstretched one.

"I was, but you were thinking too loud. Woke me up."

Lancelot let a soft laugh leave his lips,

"I apologise. Is there anyway I could make it up to you?"

Merlin pretended to consider it for a moment before he let go of Lancelot's hand and pulled back the covers, shifting closer to the opposite side of the slightly narrow bed.

"Join me. Save yourself from the neck pain in the morning, at least."

The brunette kicked off his boots and slipped into the bed beside him, so that they were hip to hip, and covered them with the covers,

"If that is all it takes to have you forgive me then..."

Merlin's eyes glowed their soft gold before Lancelot heard the quiet _click!_ of the bedroom door locking and in a completely surprising act of seduction, Merlin had pushed himself up off of the mattress and straddled Lancelot's lap.

"Well maybe not all," the man replied as his watched Lancelot's eyes travel up his bare chest, he only now noticed the man was shirtless.

"Well then," the brunette swallowed thickly as he bravely ran a hand up Merlin's arm towards his jaw, "However else may I serve you?"

Merlin leaned into the hand, pressing his lips against the palm and whsipered,

"I could think of a few ways."

Merlin woke up in a great mood, for the first time since his imprisonment. Lancelot was gone by the time he woke but had left a note under the pillow, which greatened his mood even more so, signed to him as 'My dearest, Merlin' with a comma after dearest. He hid it under the floor boards beside his book of spells and any other magic artefact that he had come across that he couldn't bare to hide in the woods for the Druids to find. 

Merlin dressed himself without help for the first time since he they returned. He awkwardly pulled on his boots with one hand and shuffled over to the door and slowly edged it open. Gaius was nowhere to be seen or heard, so with a whoop of joy, Merlin grabbed his jacket and rushed out of the physician's chambers. 

It felt good to stretch his legs again, Merlin thought as he walked through the halls of the castle, passing by windows which gave him a good view of the castle grounds, ever bustling with activities. He passed a few of the other servants who were all concerned about him and wishing his a speedy recovery, as well as a few of the more motherly, older maids almost ordering him back to bed with their eyes. 

He was soon clear of any part of the castle were Gaius had reason to be that day and celebrated that by almost bumping into someone. 

It turned out to be Gwen, who was almost as shocked to see him out bed than she was to get ran into without warning. 

"Gwen, perfect! Just the person I wanted to see."

"Merlin, what are you doing out of bed?" the woman chastised him which only made him grin wider, 

"You need rest."

"Resting doesn't really mix well with me," he explained, rolling his eyes fondly at her scowl, 

"I was bored, now you're here, are you busy right now?" 

"I just finished my duties for the morning, why? Do you need your bandages changed?" 

"No," he began, pulling the woman down the hallway to the stairs that lead to the kitchen,

"Hungry. Fancy a picnic?" 

In the end, Gwen managed to snag two meat pies, a bottle of cranberry juice and some grapes from Cook, under the guise of them being for some guest that was staying in the castle, conveniently. 

They set up their feast on a balcony garden that Gwen didn't even know existed. The door they'd taken to it was hidden behind a tapestry in an unused storage room and was an beautifully overgrown jungle of a garden. There were perfumed flower after perfumed flower, each a startling shade of the rainbow, all frame by shiny, deep-green leaves and vines.

There was a stone centre piece of a lady sitting crossed legged with a sword in her lap the face of the woman intractly carved until she almost seemed life like. 

Merlin set up the blanket he manged to retrieve while she was getting food on the luscious, lime coloured grass. She spread out the food and drinks while he retrieved strawberries and blackberries from the bushes surrounding them.

They ate and talked for an hour, and for the first time in a while, Gwen saw Merlin's face never stray from a beaming smile.

"You look happy, Merlin."

The man looked to his friend from behind his drink,

"You know, Gwen? I think I am."

Gwen watched as her best friend's eyes softened, the way one's does when they're thinking about a certain someone.

"I'd almost say you're in love."

Merlin's cup dropped and spilled the deep red juice into the grass and his cheeks became the same colour,

"What, uh, makes you say that?"

"Come on, Merlin," she smiles as the man tries to hide his flushed cheeks by looking down at his blackberry stained hand,

"You have that same look in your eye my dad used to have when he talked of my mother."

He didn't answer but he didn't deny it either. 

"So, who is she? One of your flower-givers also give you a confession?" she teased as she poked his shoulder.

"No, nothing like that. It's...different."

She looked at him as if to say 'come on, tell me who!'. If only it were that simple. 

"Let me see where this goes first, Guinevere," he smiled, watching his friend huff in disappointment,

"Then you can give them the shovel talk."

Arthur was puzzled. He was sure his servant was supposed to be laid up in bed, recovering from a nearly deathly wound. But yet he swore he just rushed past him, knocking into his shoulder, with no one less than Gwen hot on his tail, both of them laughing like children.

"Was that-?" The king turned to Leon, who was watching the two disappear down the corridor.

"Yes," replied the knight.

"With-?" the king pressed.

"Yep."

"Huh." Maybe the wound wasn't as deathly as he thought. Still, one good day of rebellion against his orders to rest didn't mean he was completely healed yet. Arthur wouldn't ask for his back until he was a hundred percent certain he was of perfect health. How else could the man make sure his armour was pristine?

Lancelot slipped into his room to change out from his armour after patrol later that night. He wasn't expecting to see Merlin sitting at his table, a book in hand.

"I can't bare to be stuck in that room another night," he supplied, sneaking glances at the knight while he changed into sleepwear,

"Can we..."

"Of course."

Lancelot crossed the room to the larger bed in the centre, pulling back the soft blue bedsheets and nodding to Merlin, who scrambled in after him.

Lancelot wrapped an arm around his shoulder and the warlock snuggled into the man's side,

"I heard you had quite the day. You plan the jailbreak all by yourself?"

Merlin smiled up at him, pulling up the blankets higher onto his chest, 

"I have to do something while you're away."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things only go right for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's been about a months time skip since the last chapter. Nothing has happened that's important besides Lancelot and Merlin getting closer and developing their still very much secret relationship. This is mostly just a filler chapter since I felt bad for not updating in a while and I'm stilling planning where this story will go.

Lancelot jumped in his bed, sending the covers to the floor. It was the storm rumbling outside of the castle walls that woke him from his slumber, as it had for the past number of days. The thunder and rain had been nonstop for the past week and nowhere knew were it came from. Lancelot suspected that some part of Arthur thought Morgana may be to blame from the way that he doubled patrols on the castle walls and cleared several chambers in the citadel so that the knights could still train despite the downpour.

But Lancelot knew better. He slipped out of bed, pulling on his boots as quietly as possible. He lit a few of the candles on his bedside tables before tiptoeing out of the door. The knight padded across the castle in his soft soled boots until he turned the corner into something firm and warm, almost falling over until the object clung to him as he did to it.

Lancelot looked up into Merlin's red, teary eyes, and reached up to wipe them away in the privacy of the dark and empty corridor. A warmth spread through his chest as the other man leaned in his hand, searching for comfort and reassurance.

"Hey..." he greeted softly, as Merlin finally removed his face from out of Lancelot's hold, hanging his head as he looked down at the dark stone floor.

"Hi..." Merlin replied just as quietly as a loud boom of thunder erupted from outside the castle, sending the smallest of flinches through Merlin's well trained (abused) body.

"What do you want to do tonight?" Lancelot asked as he finally gathered the courage to hold Merlin's undamaged hand in own and began to lead the emotionally recked man down the corridor.

Merlin stopped in his spot and looked out of the window as the icey bullets of rain pelted the glass pain like rocks, creating a rhythmic tinkling noise, 

"I want to tell you about them."

Lancelot recognised the hesitance in his voice and face and put on his most reassuring face possible in response. Those words were seven days in the making and he wasn't going to hijack his chances on finally getting to help Merlin because he sent out the wrong feeling.

"If you're sure."

Merlin glanced back at him and then at their intertwined fingers, giving a small sign as the woosh of the winds began to die outside,

"I am."

Surprisingly just as Lancelot had not run into anyone else awoken by the rain on the way there, they didn't meet anyone else on their way back to Lancelot's chambers. Merlin looked around worriedly for a moment, scrunching the hem of his shirt up in his closed fist. The long haired man placed a hand on his shoulder, comforting him before he nodded at the bed, the soft covers illumanited by the yellow candles glowing on the tables either side.

The two situated themselves under the blankets, legs intertwined. Merlin rested his head on Lancelot's shoulder, sinking in on himself to make himself appear smaller as he explained in a soft voice to him about the vicious dreams that had been plaguing him at night.

Lancelot felt himself wanting to cry at some parts during Merlin's monologues but he held himself together, as the dark haired man crumbled to pieces in his arms. As Merlin's sobs grew louder it seemed as if the rain became softer as a result. The knight held the other closer in his arms and pressing his lips to Merlin's temple, hoping that would be enough to comfort him, in a situation where he didn't think words would work.

"Thank you," Merlin whispered against Lancelot's chest, which was slightly damp from his tears.

"I haven't done anything."

"You were here. You were here," he mumbled in exhaustion and let sleep consume him.

Lancelot blew out the candles and fell to sleep after him, dreaming of nothing more than a smiling Merlin. 

The sun was out high and warm the next morning, drying the soaked ground and buildings as the day went on. Hyper children ran around the town streets, excited not to be couped up in their houses for another day. The market was bustling like normal, now with an extra spring as more people came out to celebrate the pleasant weather..

Lancelot and Gwaine were coming back from their morning patrol as Gwen was walking back up to the castle after doing her normal duties in the lower town. The two tagged along with her, insisting that they lighter her load, taking a basket full of ingredients from her each, leaving her with her armful of repaired garments, belonging to various members of the castle staff.

Gwen and Gwaine remarked to him about the ending of the storm and how well they'd slept all week, lulled by the rumble of the clouds and the tiring atmosphere of the rain. Lancelot could only think about how strange it was for him and Merlin to be the only ones in the entirety of Camelot to be woken up by the thunder for a second before Arthur burst through the castle doors and spotted the group. He jogged down the steps towards them with a concerned look on his face as he seemed to search for someone who wasn't present with them.

"Has anyone seen Merlin? He didn't show up this morning to drag me out of bed," Arthur questioned, trying his best not to seem concerned but failing miserably.

"Gaius hasn't seen him?" Gwaine asked as his smile dropped off his face, placing his basket on the floor.

"Not since last night, no. He said he was gone before he woke up, like usual."

Gwen furrowed her eyebrows as she became anxious at the disappearance of her friend, 

"I haven't seen him his yesterday afternoon. I couldn't find him this morning because I thought he was with you..."

Lancelot began to feel somewhat guilty for being the cause of his friends' concern over Merlin's vanishing act because he could easily assure them that the man was safe, because he knew for a fact where Merlin was. But he couldn't dare tell them that he was currently asleep in his bed in the castle. That would be the rope around both of their necks and Lancelot couldn't risk Merlin's life like that. 

"I'm sure he's somewhere around the castle," Lancelot reassured as he placed his basket next to Gwaine's and began to back away from the group, 

"How about we all go out and look for him? We'll cover more ground that way."

The three gazed after the retreating knight, who disappeared up one of the winding staircases with great speed. 

"That was..." Gwen trailed off, staring at the doorframe Lancelot had entered.

"Suspicious?" Arthur offered, as he glanced back at her. 

"Strange," confirmed Gwaine as he scratched his chin. 

"Merlin.." Lancelot gently shook the man who was wrapped up securely in his blankets, 

"You have to wake up."

"Wasstimes it?" Merlin grumbled as he wiped the sleep from his eyes, blinking at a smiling Lancelot. 

"Around nine am or so."

"Shit! I'm so late!" Merlin stumbled out of bed and hurriedly put on his boots and jacket before he headed for the door. 

"Merlin?" Lancelot called. 

He stopped in his tracks and turned around, 

"Yes?" 

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Lancelot grinned. 

Merlin crossed back to him and kissed his smiling knight on the cheek, pulling away after a second. 

"I meant this," Lancelot held up a strip of fabric Merlin recognised as his neckerchief and he blushed in embarrassment, 

"But I didn't mind that either."

"Shut up," Merlin joked as he tied the the kerchief in its usual place around his neck and went to leave again. 

"Are you okay?" Lancelot called as Merlin reached the door and began to open it. 

"No," he replied with a small smile, 

"But I will be."

**Author's Note:**

> :)))


End file.
